Chapter Six – Strange Initiations

      About a year after the initial awakening, I went outside one night to admire the stars. We live high on a plateau with zero light pollution and are blessed with some magnificent night skies.  I was standing in a field equidistant between two trees that grew on each side opposite each other. All the phenomena I had experienced to this point had been mostly internal and although I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure this was kundalini, there was that tiny part of me that wondered was I delusional. I asked myself, is this REALLY kundalini? For some reason I placed my right hand on my navel area and said out loud that classic spiritual cliché, give me a sign. Immediately to my left under a tree a light began to manifest about six feet in the air. It wasn’t like a still point of light, it was active in constant motion and change, and it was a fiery orange in colour. It grew to the size of a metre wide sphere and then light of another quality formed around it, containing it. This light was a deep red and was completely static, no movement, it looked like a divine hand had drawn it on to this reality with a giant magic marker. Once it had grown to full size the light then moved gracefully across the field in front of me until it came to the tree on the opposite side where it curved upwards almost joyfully. It left a comet-like tail made of the ‘magic marker’ light behind it from its point of origin and froze like this for a few seconds, before dematerialising into thin air. Just to give you an idea of the sheer scale of this vision I went into the field the next day and measured the distance between the trees, which came to about one hundred and fifty feet. Can you picture the scene, a man standing in a starlit field between two trees, looking at a giant divine fireball with a hundred and fifty foot tail! It is truly impossible to convey the quality of the light, how absolutely not of this reality it was, how truly divine it was. It remains to this day one the most extraordinarily beautiful moments of my life and whenever life becomes difficult I remember this and KNOW, there is more and that I am loved. This event was all the more powerful as no drugs, entheogens, or altered state of consciousness were involved, non ordinary reality manifested in ordinary reality. This vision actually contained a deep message about the nature of the universe that I did not understand for years after, that the two types of light represented Shiva and Shakti. The outer static light, the great still consciousness and contained within it the active creative light of Shakti, activity contained within stillness, the enlightenment process in the human being.

   Almost in a state of shock, I returned to the house and told Michèle. To her credit, after being with me for a year of kundalini awakening already, she barely batted an eyelid as high strangeness had become par for the course. It’s a good test to see if someone really loves you, to relate an experience like this and it doesn’t change a thing. This vision initiated a new stage of spiritual development in me. I went and sat outside on the steps and kundalini energy came on very strongly, it felt like my face was being stung by a thousand bees, a sensation that continued for a couple of days. That night in bed, kundalini moved very strongly throughout my whole body. It was very sharp and intense, incredibly pleasurable but almost to the point of pain. For a few days after I would see mini comets of silver light, about the size of tennis balls, shooting into trees. 

   About a year again after this, another miraculous and magical event occurred whilst I was at my mother-in-law’s house in Ireland. It was the winter solstice and this normally spiritually charged day was super charged because there was also a lunar eclipse. Sometime in the early hours I awoke. I was lying on my right hand side and I could feel a presence pressing on my aura above me. I reacted as any normal person would in a room at night with something supernatural hanging over them, I said, Oh, hello! It seemed to be waiting for me to acknowledge it because as soon as I did, it flowed into me. This was a most strange and beautiful sensation. It flowed in through my left side, it penetrated deep into my muscles, this was actually a bit sore but in a good way. It was thick and viscous and silvery like liquid moonlight, it actually felt like the moon had melted into me. It was PURE LOVE, it is difficult to describe energy as loving but this was divine universal love beyond any human notion or expression. After a bit I sat up into a meditation position to allow the energy to flow better through me. It was kundalini but of a kind I had never experienced before, as it went up my spine it was as thick as a man’s arm and my third eye bulged right out like an orange. I’m not sure how long the process took, maybe twenty minutes and when I sensed it was over I lay down again and slept. The next day I went to my sisters for Christmas dinner. It was a big family gathering and despite the fact that there was copious amounts of delicious food and good wine I ate only very lightly and abstained from alcohol, as I was aware that something very special had happened. Shortly after dinner I began to feel ill and had to go to bed. It wasn’t food poisoning as the fourteen other people there were all fine. For the next twenty-four hours I purged and purged. When not in the toilets I was lying down in great discomfort whilst this very thick kundalini moved throughout my system. I realised that this was a spiritual sickness but I did not hear about this in a shamanic context till much later. In some traditions the shaman gets ill, no medication can cure the sickness and the shaman must surrender to the process. During this time the person is spiritually modified into a person capable of being a shaman. My spiritual sickness was very short some last months, but there is no denying what it was. Spirit entered me, made me sick, purged me and altered me. 

   Eventually I was drawn further into the shamanic experience as life circumstances finally brought me to Peru to meet the spirit of ayahuasca, who had really been there from the beginning, as the anaconda and the jaguar.

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